Dom's Rambles

My New Favourite Love Song.

2012-01-23T20:46:00.000Z

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I only heard this beautifully haunting song a couple of days ago and now I can't stop listening to it. I guess it does have a certain poignancy!

Abba On Steroids?

2012-01-14T23:51:00.000Z

I quite like this tune. I tried to get into Nightwish a while back but found them just a little bit too bombastic for comfort. Saying that, the singer would still get it!

Blogging is light to nonexistent at the moment as I've recently updated my home studio in a major way and am in the process of recording a 'live' album of old Lovechild tunes by way of a learning exercise, which is very absorbing and takes up most of my spare time. It's also an extremely effective way of keeping the darkness at bay.

Season's Greetings.

2011-12-23T03:03:00.002Z

I always knew that the acid test of whether writing D&OiS&L had worked (i.e. whether it had exorcised the demons I had intended it to) would be my Yuletide reaction to this song. While I have to admit that it did stir a pot of unpleasant memories when it came on the radio a couple of days ago, I sat through the whole thing with a contemptuous smirk on my face rather than shaking with rage as had happened so often before.

In fact so successful has it been in lancing the boil (and mixing the metaphors) that I can't even summon up the necessary venom to write a blog post about how I discovered that my leading lady (the girl I called 'Sally Spencer') was shackled to a notorious wife-beater - a guy who beat his first wife up on the first night of their honeymoon!
Tell me Sally, does he take care not to mark your face? Do you think that makes him incredibly caring? And do you think you'll ever find a guy who doesn't cheat on you?

The (Mid Life) Crisis Deepens.

2011-12-12T22:08:00.001Z

As I already had some vocals tracks for this tune I thought I’d bung a rough mix up as a taster for the forthcoming Lovechild: Live Again live album (which people are doubtless having sleepless nights in anticipation of). This was actually the very last song I wrote while the aforementioned combo was a going concern although I can’t remember if we ever rehearsed it.
Back in the day I strove to make the lyrics as cartoonishly sexist as possible, purely to wind up our guitarist’s sour-faced, sense of humour challenged, lunatic fringe feminist girlfriend who had forbidden him to sing back up on songs she considered ideologically unsound. A few years later it occurred to me that if I changed the lyrical emphasis in certain areas and got a female singer then the thing might possibly make a passable techno/rock crossover stomper in the vein of Republica or Sunscreem and I duly recruited one Gemma Greensmith for the job. These are her vocals (albeit time-stretched from the original 139 BPM to a much pacier 152); the music, however, is the way it was intended to be when I first wrote it.

A CD quality copy can be had here (right click and 'Save target as...').

Dirty Old Men: A Working Title, A Manifesto & A Situations Vacant Ad.

2011-11-28T00:56:00.001Z

During the writing of Chapter 7 of Down & Out in Sheffield & Lincoln (the section about thelocal music scene) I spent quite a bit of time Googling the old bands and associatedpersonalities just to see if anything useful would turn up. It did, and not justabout the Lincoln scene or the comboswho operated at the same level of the game as we did. I unearthed a wealth ofinformation concerning those we encountered at Rock City and the Hippodrome and thelike who occupied the space between us nonentities and the bands with recorddeals and actual product in the shops. I was forever coming across websites andMySpace and Facebook pages dedicated to, or operated by, superannuated sleazerockers who fell into this bracket. People and bands who had had a moment sometimein the mid to late 80s when it looked like they might possibly get a shot at thebig time (but didn’t) and had been dining out on it ever since. Heavy metalequivalents of LesMcQueen if you like, not so much has-beens as never-quite-weres.

Perusing said web pages it struck me that these people all had one thing in common, somethingthat would have been hilariously funny had it not been so tragic. It wasn’tthat they were still playing out, still dressed exactly like they did back inthe day and seemed to genuinely believe they had a devoted following. No, itwas that they took themselves totally and utterly seriously, presenting (and,presumably, regarding) themselves as relevant, contemporary figures – andwithout even a hint of irony.

Nowadays, over two decades since Mötley Crüe, Poison, Rattet al, well and truly jumpedthe shark (or maybe ‘smelled the glove’would be a more appropriate term), a bunch of spunky twenty-somethings couldprobably get away with strutting around in make-up and backcombed hair andcranking out testosterone drenched, Eighties sounding, heavy metal - music andfashion does tend to pay homage to what was in vogue 20-25 previously*after all - but pushing 50 year old men?

FORGET

ABOUT

Seriously guys, forget allabout it. I’m sorry to have to put this so bluntly, but you look and soundfucking ridiculous and the only people who come to see you perform are eitherfellow saddos who can’t (or won’t) accept that it’s no longer 1987 or else folkwho, while knowing who you are/were, have turned up solely to take the piss.

Okay, okay, before anyone accuses me of double standards,yes, I’m also a pushing 50 year old man and I still crank out testosterone drenched, Eightiessounding, heavy metal. But at least I have the decency to do so in private, betweenconsenting adults and would never dream of exposing children to it.

And I bet I’m not alone in that. Given the staggeringadvances in, and accessibility of, music and recording technology over the lastfew years I’ll put a pound to a penny that practically all of us Eighties veteranshave some kind of masturbatory, musical vanity project on a back burner. Afterall, we all thought our particular combo was the really talented one, didn’twe? We all thought we were the ones who would have made it big if only we’d gotthe right breaks. Consequently it’s only right that our back catalogue bepreserved for posterity.

My desperate exercise in retrospective self-indulgence is a‘live’ album of Lovechild songs which is just waiting for me to find the timeto hire a rehearsal room and get my voice into good enough shape for Autotune todo something with before uploading them here. However, I’m nowhere near deludedenough to imagine that anyone outside my social circle (or who remembers/iscurious about the old scene) will be the slightest bit interested in listeningto them. But I can deal with that, I get more than enough pleasure and satisfactionfrom the creative process itself to make it worthwhile.

However, the rush you get from performing live (and everythingthat goes with it) is like an instantly addictive drug and even the briefesttaste leaves you with a craving that never entirely goes away. Post youth and theattendant window of showbiz opportunity there are only two realistic optionsfor those who want another fix (albeit a vicarious one) while still retaining asemblance of self-respect. Either set up a recording studio and/or PA hirecompany or put a covers band together.

The former was the route I was originally intending to takeand between 1997 and 2002 I worked every hour God sent in order to afford, and spentevery weekend ensconced in my bedroom learning how to use, the equipment andsoftware necessary to do so. But then in the summer of 2001 the malign higherpower that dogs my every fucking step, waiting for the most opportune moment topull the world out from under my feet time after time after bastarding time, decidedto visit me with a potentially fatal inner ear infection which, a series of majoroperations later, permanently buggered up the hearing on my right side.

I did learn to compensate for this but it meant taking threetimes longer than anyone else to get the same job done and, in such a cutthroatmarketplace, effectively scuppered any chance I had of turning my home studiointo a paying concern.

On top of that, in late 2003, my (entirely unnecessary)break up with the only one of my near Mrs I genuinely thought I’d end upmarrying ushered in Episode Number Four:The Really Nasty One which cost me the best job I’ve ever had, my flat and,consequently, the life I’d made for myself in Sheffield. Once my overdraftbottomed out and I ran out of card guaranteed cheques to bounce (the ordeal of registeringfor welfare payments was more than I could bear to contemplate at that point) Iended up wandering down to Cash Converters every few days to trade in one pieceof equipment after another just to afford the booze I needed to drown everythingout. By the time the wheels came off completely and I had no choice but tothrow myself on the tender mercies of my parents and move back to LincolnI was left with just my PC, my Jacksonguitar and my trusty Roland JV-1080 synthesiser.

But enough of history, what about that second option, thecovers band? Well, I’ve been mulling over an idea for a while now so I’m goingto run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.

And that idea is to put together a band performing (mainly)Seventies and Eighties classic rock covers, pretty much the same kind of stuffyou hear on Planet Rock and aimed at appealing to the same demographic.

Now the selling point. Instead of trying to hide from, orairbrush over, how old we all are we embrace it, we put it right out there (hencethe working title for the band) and we have a tongue in cheek, self-deprecatingsense of humour about it - although drawing well short of the kind of contrivedwackiness I always found so annoying about the recently defunct local band wewill undoubtedly be compared to.

That’s not to say we don’t take it seriously, we do and we make damn sure we put on apolished, well rehearsed and, above all, entertaining show. Other details, suchas any kind of look we might adopt, can be thrashed out at a later date.

So I need a drummer, a lead guitarist and a bass player –and if one or more can share lead vocals with me then all the better. Of coursethere are some people I already have my eye on. My number one choice fordrummer, for example, checks in here two or three times a week (or at leastsomeone who works at the same place as him does) and if he’s interested then I kindof get the impression he knows a bassist who might also like to come to theparty.

A lead guitarist I’m not so sure about. Of the two guys Ithought would fit the bill perfectly, one, I’m reliably informed, has a seriousdrink problem and the other was lukewarm to the suggestion (I couldn’t make mymind up whether that was because he's too much of a family man these days orbecause he played in a rival band during the Eighties and still thinks he’d be demeaninghimself were he to get involved with me).
So don't be shy people, get in touch.

One final thing. While I realise that there is a verylimited pool of talent out there and that beggars can’t be choosers, applicationsare not invited from psychopaths,hippies or fucking jazz wankers. I’ve had more than enough of dealing with thosekinds of people to last me a lifetime.

* My pettheory about this is that contemporary musicians have the music they hear whilestill in the womb subconsciously imprinted on them.

I Bet This Girl Is Totally Awesome In Bed!

2011-11-19T04:41:00.001Z

11/11/11: Happy Nigel Tufnel Day.

2011-11-11T14:23:00.001Z

Destroy The Brain, Don't Get Bitten And, Above All Else, Remember That Friends Don't Let Friends Reanimate!

2011-10-23T00:07:00.000Z

I don't normally get all geeky over TV shows but I'm going to make an exception in this case!

Ten Years After.

2011-10-11T22:00:00.003Z

Your gracious host has been a none-smoker for a full ten years this week. What a good boy am I.

Things That Tickle My Infantile Sense Of Humour.

2011-10-07T22:00:00.002Z

Snapped today at Hemswell Cliff.

Back From The Dead.

2011-10-01T08:35:00.002Z

What I wouldn't give to to take one of these for a spin!

Those Hallowed Portals.

2011-09-25T11:40:00.000Z

This is the only picture of the Cornhill Vaults' main entrance I've ever been able to dig up. I guess this would have been taken sometime in the early to mid 90s.

One Of My Favourite Parts Of The Country.

2011-09-12T20:21:00.000Z

Here's the view (in the round) from the top of Mam Tor near Castleton in Derbyshire, which I shot on Saturday afternoon (we followed this walk). One of the countless things I loved (and sorely miss) about living in Sheffield was having this gorgeous countryside a fifteen minute drive away. Whenever I was getting unbearably stressed out I used to find it such a relief to come out here (or to Ladybower Reservoir) and just wander around for a few hours.
And if you're in the area and have worked up an appetite on your walk check out Ye Olde Nags Head in Castleton, excellent pub food, huge portions and very reasonably priced.

The Revamped Gallery Page.

2011-09-09T00:42:00.001Z

Like it says, I've revamped the gallery page. So here we have the back in the day, heavy metal pics from when we were Down and Out in...

...Sheffield

...Lincoln

...Nottingham.

...elsewhere.

Vintage Santa Pod Photos.

2011-09-05T20:11:00.000Z

These were taken between 1985 and 1987, when my then gang and I were at Santa Pod a good half dozen times a year. Special thanks to Nigel Smith and Matt Patrick for taking the trouble to dig them out.

Vintage Libertin' Lips Photos.

2011-08-31T19:27:00.001Z

Once again a big thank you to Matt Patrick for these pics.

Vintage Hang Fire Photos.

2011-08-30T23:43:00.001Z

Special thanks to Matt Patrick for these pics. As Ever, click the thumbnails to go to the full size photo

UFOs Over Lincoln.

2011-08-30T22:10:00.000Z

In Chapter 6 of D&OiS&L I mention a household of my Lincoln contemporaries who liked to get up to late night drink/drug fuelled mischief.

By far their favourite trick was launching home made Chinese lanterns fashioned from bin-liners, coat hangers and firelighters (you work it out). On a still night these contraptions would reach an impressive altitude and remain visible for as long the firelighters continued to burn.
In the winter of 1986/1987 they had caused their own War of the Worlds radio broadcast type panic when, after a particularly hearty binge, four groups had synchronised watches and set out for the top floors of the multi-storey car parks which bordered Lincoln’s pedestrianised shopping precinct. At precisely three o’clock in the morning four squadrons of eerie lights rose majestically into the air before catching the breeze and drifting with silent menace across the Lincolnshire countryside.
I was in the Vaults the next afternoon when the first of those responsible waltzed in with a copy of the local newspaper bearing the headline, JETS SCRAMBLED TO INTERCEPT UFOS.
Apparently several concerned members of the public had phoned the police to report strange lights in the night sky. As these were clearly visible over most of central Lincolnshire yet had no radar signature, two fully armed Tornado fighters were sent to investigate. But by the time the jets were airborne and being guided into position the mysterious lights had vanished. I imagine there’s probably a dusty file somewhere with the word ‘unsolved’ stamped across the cover.

In the summer of 2007, while on the final leg of writing D&OiS&L, I spent two extremely frustrating afternoons in Lincoln Central Library, sending myself square-eyed, searching the microfiche archives of the local rag for the aforementioned report, but all in vain. Last week, thanks to the wonders of the internet in general and Facebook in particular, I obtained the above photos which were taken by one of the perpetrators.

Granted, the press clipping must have been from a different edition of the paper to the one I saw (I distinctly remember it being a full front page spread) but at least I eventually found something tangible!

UPDATE: I've just been informed by the guy who provided the photos that I got some of my facts wrong - which means I'm going to have to edit the bloody book too!

Hi Dom the UFO story appeared in the Echo on 5th Feb 1987 if I remember rightly; the front page spread was in the free paper. To correct you on your blog there were 2 teams and they also scrambled an AWAC (if thats how you spell it ) from Waddington. It also made Yorkshire and Central TV and local radio.

My Soppy Side Coming Out Again!

2011-08-15T17:22:00.000Z

I Know Exactly Who This Is!

2011-08-07T22:34:00.000Z

I logged on to Facebook this afternoon to discover a bizarre, rambling message from a woman I had a very brief interaction with just over two years ago and who had obviously recognised herself - and taken exception to my description of her - in this post (the second one down).

I was going to take the thing apart point by point on here but changed my mind partly because I can’t be bothered, partly because she would just love the attention but mainly because it’s not right to mock people who are mentally ill.

And why she e-mailed this post to someone I have no idea!

Who's This I Wonder?

2011-08-06T00:54:00.000Z

We've Had Growler Juice, Now Get Some Pussy In Your Mouth.

2011-08-04T21:18:00.000Z

I'm currently working on a couple of extended posts, my (Anglocentric) zombie apocalypse contingency plan/survival guide and one last D&OiS&L related outpouring (or rather an outpouring regarding a certain incident the online version provoked and what I discovered in the wake of it). As soon as those are done I'll be advertising/pimping for band members for a little project I've been mulling over for quite some time now.

Until then check this stuff out.

Today's Scrap Metal Prices.

2011-07-20T20:19:00.000Z

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly.

2011-07-17T23:06:00.001Z

Apologies are in order for the lack of posts lately, this is due to me getting a life in the form of a fantastic woman who really has brought me back to life again - and it's so nice to be seeing someone whose quirks and foibles are endearing and charming rather than the result of a major personality disorder.
All of which is a welcome change from the procession of fuck-ups I've dated since splitting up with the Thunder Princess in 2003. Namely, and starting with the most recent...

An irrational, affection-phobic drama-queen with borderline schizophrenic mood swings.
A mentally unstable, self-pitying, attention seeking cock-tease.
A skeletal, ant-faced book thief who thinks she can recapture the youth she lost trapped in an abusive marriage by hanging around with people the same age as her children and pretending that it’s forever 1987 (by the way sweetie, when you have no tits and no figure it isn’t a good idea to shave your snatch as pubic hair provides your partners with a reassuring - and hard-on sustaining - reminder that they’re actually having sex with an adult).
A miserable, manky-toothed, tomato-faced, emotionally disturbed, self-harming hypochondriac embarrassment with more piercings than a Cenobite would consider tasteful or appropriate who thinks that woodenly reciting lines from porno movies and insisting on being had up the wrong ‘un makes her good in bed (take some advice love, concentrate on the basics first – like learn how to give a fucking blow job).

And I guess we should give an honourary mention to...

An empty-headed Miss Piggy look-alike who’s so desperate to breed that she gets pregnant to a congenitally alcoholic, compulsive liar.
A shallow, pathologically insincere moral coward with such an addiction to abusive men that she’s shackled herself to a loutish, morbidly jealous, wife-beating mental defective who looks like an old lesbian (and who has cheated on her with more women than ‘Stu’ and I managed put together - although neither of us ever threatened our conquests with physical violence should they spill the beans).

Phew, that feels better!

Bottled Growler Juice?

2011-06-30T20:44:00.000Z

The mind boggles as to how they collect the stuff!

The Arty Bollocks Generator.

2011-06-21T22:31:00.000Z

Direct Action.

2011-06-17T23:57:00.001Z

The speed camera on Bunkers Hill, Lincoln which has recently been torched. This is the way to do it, destroy the fucking things and when the thieving statist bastards replace them destroy the replacements until they get the message. I'll shut up now as I'm very drunk and will just start ranting (even more) incoherently (than usual).

This Is Absolutely Superb!

2011-06-07T20:34:00.000Z

Sade @ MEN Arena 27/05/2011.

2011-05-28T17:04:00.000Z

You would not believe the delectible Ms Adu was 52 years old (and if she's had any work done it's flawless) and the way she slinked about the stage gave me a right trouser-arouser! The musicianship of the band was note-perfect phenomenal - especially the sax player who I could listen to for hours.

Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to take the decent camera in with me and had to use the back up which means these are the best shots I could get.

The Most Terrifying Sex Toy Ever Invented!

2011-05-22T20:55:00.001Z

Being a staunch libertarian who is pro-choice on everything (provided, of course, that you don't bother/harm anyone else while you're about it, you don't expect anyone else to finance it and, most importantly, you fully accept the consequences of your actions) it's not for me to pass judgement on what consenting adults do in private. However, how anyone could possibly get it on with something that looks like it was designed by H R Giger on an off day is totally beyond me.

Do Not, No Matter How Tempted You Might Be, Try To Fuck A Park Bench.

2011-05-21T23:03:00.000Z

What A Simple But Brilliant Invention.

2011-05-17T23:08:00.000Z

Get yourself one of these and you never have to buy another guitar pick - ever!

The World's First Zombie-Proof House.

2011-05-14T12:21:00.000Z

I have got to get one of these! Check it out.

Expensive Habits.

2011-05-13T21:48:00.000Z

Your gracious host always has had a weakness for groovy (and ridiculously expensive) sunglasses and having noticed a nasty scratch on his current pair has found an excuse to buy another.

Today's Scrap Prices.

2011-05-09T21:42:00.000Z

Catalytic convertors have jumped in price recently, crowbar the bonnet off a Toyota Avensis, rip the cat out and you'll get £240 for it.

Just To Clear Something Up...

2011-05-08T23:44:00.004Z

Something I’ve always noticed about folks in Lincoln is that you can ascertain far more by what they don’t say than by what they do. Judging by the deafening silence from certain quarters since the publication of D&OiS&L I get the distinct impression I’ve put one or two featured noses out of joint – particularly with the chapter concerning Lincoln’s bands.

First of all let me say that if you write something like D&OiS&L and go all out to avoid giving offence then the result is likely to be as bland and pointless as alcohol free lager. I have a sardonic sense of humour and yes, I do take the piss, but for the most part it’s good natured piss taking and I don’t mean anything by it (and, apart from anything else, the person I take the most piss out of is myself). Furthermore I would expect anyone writing something similar to do the same.

As for genuine malice, I direct that at only one person and for the simple reason that only one person ever directed it at me - and I don’t mean my leading lady.

I'm Curious To Know Who This Is!

2011-05-07T00:22:00.003Z

I can always tell when someone who knows me from back in the day comes across the site (usually judging by the search term or link they arrive via, their geographical location, the pictures they look at and posts they dwell on) even if I can't always figure out who they are.

This one really is puzzling the shit out of me!

The Wages Of Sin.

2011-05-02T03:18:00.003Z

My first royalty payment came through this week and I treated myself to one of these little beauties with it. And why the hell not? I've suffered for my art and it's about time I was compensated (although I'm not sure I'd have willingly had my heart broken, my head fucked up, my self-confidence around women dealt a crippling blow it never recovered from, had my face kicked in or come within a piss-soaked cigarette lighter of being vapourised in exchange for a snazzy camera).

But moving on, this last Thursday night I took a trip over to Harrogate to see Frisky and Mannish again and catch up with some old friends. The next morning I headed north for a village in Northumbria called Allendale, where I lived when I was a toddler, and then across to Whitley Bay (where I managed to resist the temptation to park up outside a certain house while brooding on happier times and sobbing into my hands).
Earlier on today I took a drive out to Ladybower Reservoir, just the other side of Sheffield. The new camera was with me the whole time and by way of an exercise in learning how to use the thing I snapped these pictures.

This Statue Is So Wrong On So Many Levels...

2011-04-27T20:22:00.001Z

...that I just don't know where to start!
As are all of these, especially check out the Faceless Crawling Horror Babies!

A Learning Exercise.

2011-04-26T20:51:00.000Z

I did a from the ground up remix of this tune over the long weekend as a way of reacquaining myself with Cubase following a protracted absence (I was busy writing a book). The vocals are a cut up of an old Slade number; everything else was written/played/sequenced/programmed by yours truly.
There's an mp3 of it to be had here.

The next audio project will be decidedly rockier - although a lot more retro.

Today's (Well, Friday's Actually) Scrap Prices.

2011-04-18T22:05:00.002Z

The reason an illiterate pikey can walk into a Toyota dealership and buy a top of the range Landcruiser with cash is because he appreciates how much this stuff is worth and you don't.

In other news I see we had a visitor from Newcastle University who arrived after Googling the term 'dominic bescoby sheffield' earlier on today. I always get excited when someone from that part world drops by after searching my name as the pitiful romantic in me starts thinking that it could be my lost Thunder Princess and that maybe I'm going to get my rom-com happy ending after all!

Frisky and Mannish Were Fab Last Night!

2011-04-16T20:26:00.002Z

I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. If you get the chance check this show out, it really is first class entertainment.

Apparently This Is Somewhere In Norfolk.

2011-04-14T18:30:00.000Z

A Custom Truss Rod Cover...

2011-04-13T23:00:00.001Z

...which has a nice vintage look, I reckon, carved out of an old scratch plate I had lying around. Now I need to find someone local who can install a Floyd Rose tremolo - and do a damn good job of it too.

Okay, I Give Up...

2011-04-10T23:41:00.001Z

You obviously know me but I have no idea who you are - I don't know anyone who lives in Guernsey!

101 Ways You Know You've Been A Heavy Metal Fan For Too Long.

2011-04-09T20:04:00.000Z

You're going out and you have to decide which of your 50 black T-shirts you're going to wear.
You have ever had an argument with your wife about wearing a heavy metal T-shirt to a family function.
You don't know the words to the national anthem but you know all the words to Stairway to Heaven, including the extra bits on the live version.
You see KISS every time they come to town, because this just might actually be their last tour.
You remember when your wife was also into heavy metal, but that was back when Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan were in power.
You know who the original singer for AC/DC was, and it wasn't Bon Scott.
You know there is absolutely nothing gay at all about grown men dressing in makeup, lingerie and spandex, playing for an all male audience, and gradually disrobing by the gig's end.
You know not to be alarmed if there's ever a bustle in your hedgerow.
You finally worked out what Emo music is, only to find there is an even newer thing called Screamo.
You always thought Ozzy Osbourne was a GOD, but then after The Osbournes you're not quite so sure.

Read the whole thing.

Dom's Next Phase Of His Mid-Life Crisis Creative Endeavour Starts To Take Shape.

2011-04-07T23:09:00.000Z

You gracious host is currently brushing the cobwebs from his guitars and working lubrication into the rusted joints of his fingers by playing along to sequenced Kiss, Scorpions and MSG numbers. As soon as he feels up to scratch certain people will be approached with the aim of putting a covers project together (with the working title of Dirty Old Men).

Until then, watch this space.

More Infantile Giggles.

2011-04-04T18:42:00.001Z

I was on Google Maps today, trying to find the clearing next to the railway line in Conisbrough where Mötley Süe (as I called her in the book) and I entertained the homebound commuters one summer evening in 1990 when I noticed this street name. I thought it was particularly apt as Sue always used to insist on having her...

Essential Holiday Reading.

2011-03-31T22:31:00.001Z

Okay, This Movie Is No Saturday Night Fever...

2011-03-31T22:11:00.000Z

...but the dancing is well impressive and it does give a very good idea of what Wigan Casino must have been like - oh to have been five years older and more working-class!

Three Of My Favourite Musicians Onstage At The Same Time...?

2011-03-26T01:01:00.000Z

I Took Delivery Of Something Hard Today.

2011-03-24T20:56:00.000Z

And on Friday I shall be slipping it to all the good boys and girls who provided such invaluable assistance in writing the thing.

Frisky & Mannish: Sheer Genius!

2011-03-22T21:22:00.000Z

I heard Frisky and Mannish for the first time on the Scott Mills Show on Radio 1 this morning and when they did the Saturday Night/No Limits number I had to pull over because I was laughing so much - and what a voice that girl's got!

They're playing in Lincoln on April 15th too!

"It'll never get published..."

2011-03-20T23:55:00.002Z

It looks like you were wrong doesn't it?

Either Jack Vance Had A Very Sheltered Upbringing Or English Isn't His First Language.

2011-03-20T01:22:00.000Z

Paying My Last Respects.

2011-03-17T21:59:00.003Z

As I said elsewhere, round about now there'll be a flaming longboat pulling into Asgard docks and in the Grand Hall of Valhalla an extra place will have been set on the heavy metal warlord's table for tonight's feast.

And after this afternoon this song will forever have a special poignancy for me.

While We're Waiting...

2011-03-15T20:34:00.000Z

Whoops!

2011-03-11T00:18:00.000Z

Editing the blog template when you've been drinking really isn't a good idea, particularly not when you can't figure out how to get the tracking code embedded so you can monitor your visitors. Bollocks.
Dom out.

So Near And Yet So Far.

2011-03-07T00:50:00.002Z

My mouse pointer was just hovering over the 'finish and publish' button on the Lulu site but I still haven't completed the final read through and my eyelids are too heavy to continue so it will have to be tomorrow or the next day!

My Number.

2011-03-02T21:59:00.000Z

Let's hope this weekend isn't as fraught with drama/tragedy as the last few and that I can actually concentrate well enough to give the manuscript that last, pre-upload read-through.

RIP Simon Baldwin.

2011-03-02T20:57:00.001Z

Another one of the old crew has been snatched away in the prime of life. This time in a car crash last Friday afternoon.

If You've Ever Wondered Where You Can Get A Cuddly Gonorrhoea Virus...

2011-02-18T20:00:00.001Z

A certain 'perfect' ex-girlfriend of mine used to buy me cuddly pigs all the time, which is one thing, but a cuddly Gonorrhea virus?

My Musical First Love.

2011-02-18T00:23:00.000Z

It was this lot that first made me want to learn to play guitar (I must get around to that at some point) and join a band. I've never had much time for stupid pop stars who dabble in political issues they know nothing about as they invariably end up trivialising the causes they espouse, patronising their audience and revealing themselves for the pig-ignorant, clueless idiots they really are (Bonio, of 80s pop group U2, being the prime example). However, I don't think anyone can deny that SLF knew exactly what they were talking about.

This song still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in exactly the same way as it did when I was a 14 year old punk rocker!

Dom The Magnanimous.

2011-02-10T23:43:00.000Z

Tonight, while giving the last two chapters of Down & Out in Sheffield & Lincoln their final going over, I decided that if my leading lady (the girl I called Sally Spencer) would like to give me the admission, explanation and apology that would have made writing the thing totally unnecessary in the first place (and it absolutely has to be face to face) then I'll delete the lot.

I know you won't do but at least I can say I gave you the choice.

Acknowledgments.

2011-02-06T17:04:00.000Z

I've been a little distracted this past couple of weeks which has meant that I still haven't got around to checking and uploading the manuscript. As a consolation here's the acknowledgments section of the thing.

I couldn’t have written this book without the help – both intentional and unintentional - of several people and before we dive into the story proper I would like to offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks to each and every one of them.
There are two, however, who merit a special mention.
The first is a guy called Ricky Chopra with whom I shared a flat in 1995/96 during my abortive second year as a mature student at Sheffield Hallam University. Ricky was the warm up (and occasional stand-in) DJ at one of the top house nights of the time and had enough connections to be able to get a huge gang of us guest-listed at just about any club in the city. On Friday and Saturday nights we would swank to the front of gargantuan queues, skip the body search and save anything between eight and twenty quid in door tax.
Over the course of innumerable post-club come-down sessions, when we were mellowing out and shooting the shit, Ricky would insist on me telling stories from my decade plus romp through bed-sit bohemia, stories he apparently found amusing.
“You really ought to write these up.” He often told me.
Eventually I did – well, sort of. Every now and again, when I was at a loose end or there was nothing on TV, I’d turn on my PC and jot stuff down as it came to me. These jottings soon grew into a vast and hopelessly disorganised library of anecdotes, observations and musings concerning the period in question, all of which languished on various computer hard drives until the late spring of 2002 when I finally got around to doing something concrete with them.
The impetus was provided by one Jim Crowle, the second recipient of an A-star graded thank you. It was a conversation I had with Jim (which he can’t remember having) when I was over in Lincoln one Saturday afternoon in April of 2002 that got me so furiously wound up that writing something like D&OiS&L seemed to make all kinds of sense. As soon as I got home that evening I began the process of editing and arranging my chaotic notes to form the framework of what you now hold in your hand.
I’d like to be able to say that the reason it took another nine years before the finished article saw the light of day is because I’m a tortured artist and all round creative genius who can’t just write to order and has to wait for the muse to take him. That, however, would be telling porkies. The reason it took so long is much more to do with procrastination, a cursed inability to apply myself and plain old laziness.
The other folks in line for a shout out are, in alphabetical order: Aaron Taylor, Alan Harding, Amanda Dickinson, Andi Hill, Andrew Barnes-Jones, Andy Stirling, Anna Lynch, Bethan Harvey, Bessann Oxley, Carol Bevan, Carole Bee, Caroline Curry, Chris Holmes, Chris Jones, Chris ‘The Devil’ Mounsey, Chris 'Mad Dog' Oxley, Chris Tait, Chris Tee, Clive ‘Jacko’ Jackson, Colin Smith, Colin Todd, Colin Wiles, Dan Mann, Dave Evans, Dave Kemp, Dave ‘Fruit Bat’ Likiss, Dawn Pearson, Daz Clarke, Daz Grainger, Dean Foxx, Des 'The Bomber' Barrett, Dionne Rowland, Emma Chapman, Frazer Giles, Gary 'Duster Barron' Acaster, Geoff Martin, Graham Porter, Hazel Spinlove, Hazil Bradley, Iain Dilley, Ian Milne, Jim Cotton, Jo Turner, John Stockwell, Jon ‘Wobbly Jon’ Kwasnyczka, Joseph Reeves, Julian Copley, Karen Graham, Kate Crain, Kev Strickson, Lee 'Punky' Taylor, Leslie Graham, Lisa Fox, Lisa Stephenson, Louise Scargill, Lucy Attwell, Maggie Roberts, Malcolm Dobson, Mandi Skaith, Mark ‘Satan’ Hanson, Mark Holland, Mark Rampton, Matt Patrick, Mel Muir, Michael ‘Stretch’ Armstrong, Nathan Bensley, Nathan Haglington, Nick Tullet, Nicky Hughes, Nic Smith, Nigel Watt, Paul Cradden, Rachel Calvert, Sally Ann King, Sam Ashenhurst, Sarah 'Wildchild' Chaudhary, Sarah Dunn, Scott Campbell, Scott Watkinson, Sean McNeaney, Shirley Macleod, Simon Baldwin, Simon Barfield, Sonya Jenkins, Steve Hughes, Sue Roberts, Tim ‘The Hammer’ Hall, Tim Neale, Tony Paul, Tony Poole, Vicky Fawcett and Wendy Croft.
As well as helping to fill the gaps in my knowledge and memory these splendid people took the time and trouble to encourage me in my scribbling, to flag the online version on their blogs and websites, to point out and correct my more glaring factual and grammatical errors, to regale me with pertinent information and to humour me as I crash tested each newly written block in booze-oiled monologue form. They also advised me when the levels of embittered vitriol and mewling self-pity were getting outside acceptable parameters. Whether I heeded said advice is another matter.

Yet More 'People's Art'.

2011-01-22T20:47:00.002Z

Another impressive piece from the anonymous south Lincoln graffito. As with earlier works in the urban phallus series such as 'Fence Willey'

and 'My Penis Smells of Aples (sic)'

the artist is making use of situational context to question contemporary cultural assumptions. In this case the canvas of the glass in a bus shelter through which St Peter & Paul's Catholic Church can be clearly seen quite deliberately and provocatively juxtaposes the 'sacred' and the 'profane'.

The End Of The Beginning.

2011-01-20T00:07:00.000Z

The D&OiS&L manuscript is now in its final form and is just waiting for me to give it one last leisurely read through over the weekend before uploading it to Lulu. Consequently I've deleted all the written content from this web site. The photos are still online (although I seem to have accidentally wiped the slideshow and can't find the original file on my PC to reload it) as is the blog (obviously) and I'll be tidying up the design as and when I have the time and inclination.

The online version has more than served its purpose; I exorcised all the ghosts I set out to exorcise and wound up all the people I set out to wind up (as well as others I considered far too thick skinned to ever be able to get to). Two death threats, one pub brawl and exactly the predicted response from my leading lady attest to that!

As soon as the hard copy becomes available I'll be announcing so on here and Facebook and probably shouting it from the rooftops as well.

Dom Out.

This Really Is Funny.

2011-01-12T22:22:00.000Z

Onion SportsDome

As someone who once spent the small hours of a Sunday morning being chased around Boultham Park boating lake by Cenobites I can totally relate!

A Short Sharp Grammar Lesson.

2011-01-05T20:34:00.000Z

Garbage - Why Do You Love Me

2010-12-30T21:55:00.000Z

"I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines" sings Shirley Manson in the first verse of this song. Oh yes you are Shirl, considerably more so in fact - plus I'll bet you're an absolute wildcat in bed!

Season's Greetings.

2010-12-25T00:23:00.000Z

Not only is Brett Domino an absolute god but I'm going to buy one of these things with my next pay cheque!

And I Thought I Could Get A Little Out Of Control At Times!

2010-12-20T23:03:00.000Z

Man On Drug Rampage Leaves Stabbed Lamb, Maimed Father, Burnt Farm & Severed Penis In His Wake

Today's Scrap Metal Prices.

2010-12-16T22:47:00.000Z

Now This Is Definitely My Kind Of Girl!

2010-12-15T20:27:00.000Z

EMBED-Tiny Girl Unleashes Massive Burps - Watch more free videos

If I were 20 - okay, 30 - years younger I'd be head over heels in love!

And Now The Movie...

2010-11-30T20:57:00.000Z

Reunited in Rock.

2010-11-29T02:02:00.001Z

A splendid time was had by all at Friday night's aged Sheffield rockers reunion at the Casbah (formerly the Wapentake). Apparently I was having my face snogged off by some female right at the end even if I have no recollection of it and even less idea why I didn't take the encounter to its logical conclusion. Presumably it would have been that self confidence around women issue again.

Damn you 'Sally Spencer', damn you to hell!
Unfortunately my camera was playing silly buggers and these are the only photos I took that didn't come out hopelessly blurred - mind you there are plenty on the Rebels Facebook page.

UPDATE: Apparently the place ran out of booze well before the end of the night - which I played no small part in making happen!

The Annoying Orange: Something Else That Tickles My Infantile Sense Of Humour.

2010-11-25T22:17:00.000Z

A Puzzling Headline.

2010-11-22T22:44:00.000Z

You'd think that sort of thing would be in the School Pervert's job description so where's the newsworthiness in it?

Brett Domino: What A God!

2010-11-17T23:00:00.000Z

How they manage to keep straight faces during this I have no idea!

While We're Going Nuclear...

2010-11-13T04:25:00.000Z

"Tanks, jeeps and other test vehicles litter the desert floor milliseconds before the force of the explosion destroys them. Just below the bottom of the fireball, a crescent-shaped shock wave has bounced off the desert floor and is merging into the expanding nuclear fire."

Check out some other pictures from Peter Kuran’s book, How to Photograph an Atomic Bomb.

Now I Am Become Death, The Destroyer Of Worlds.

2010-11-09T21:42:00.000Z

More Urban Geese.

2010-11-08T00:53:00.000Z

Another Object Of Desire.

2010-11-07T00:21:00.000Z

A Z28 Camero, snapped this afternoon in Lincoln.

Billy Bullshit: A Compendium Of Complete & Utter Bollocks From Out Of The Mouths Of Idiots.

2010-11-01T22:15:00.000Z

Check this site out, some of these have had me absolutely howling this evening. Here are a few choice cuts

There was a kid called Nat at my school (who was apparantley a vicar at the age of 15) who claimed that the reason wanking makes you go blind is “'cos there are nerves in your dick, right, that are exactly the same size as the ones in your eye, so your brain gets confused and thinks that you’re poking yourself in the eye."

David Huggins once claimed to have fed a tadpole the pituitary gland from a cow. This apparently stopped it turning into a frog, and instead made it grow into a foot long tadpole which had to be kept in his bath. For some reason he’d never taken a photo of it, but the image of this was forever burned into my consciousness...

I once overheard a conversation in a pub when I was a student in Plymouth between a wannabe member of the university sky diving team and a young girl he was chatting up. He stated that it wasn’t the initial fall which killed you when your parachute didn’t open during a jump from an plane, but the subsequent bounce and ‘secondary fall’ of 20 feet or so.
He then went on to give her the advice that if your parachute ever fails to open you should try and grab on to the grass when you first hit the earth to avoid the ‘deadly’ secondary fall. Twat!

A friend of mine used to go out with this bloke who had so little in the way of a personality he relied upon stories like this to impress people:
He said that he met Flavor Flav (of Public Enemy), who complimented him on his dreadlocks and gave him a cheese sandwich.
One day he went to London and upon his return he claimed that Tracey Emin tried to steal his dog. He couldn’t or wouldn’t elaborate on this story at all. It was perhaps a classic example of the mouth moving quicker than the mind.
He also claimed to have told a knock-knock joke to Ice-T who was so impressed by it he interrupted his own set at the gig to tell the entire crowd the knock-knock joke and crediting said person for the joke, while also making him an 'honourary nigga' for the night.

My best friend at school tried to convince us all that, despite the fact that it was a diabolically bad song, the Beautiful South had come to stay with him during the summer holidays and they’d asked him to help them write a new hit. He then came up with ‘Song for Whoever’ ('Jennifer, Alison, Philippa, Sue' etc) based on all the girls he’d fingered.
Oh, and he was 12.

The Biggest, Clumpiest Boots on the Campus

2010-10-31T11:50:00.000Z

Although I was surprised at a number of people being conspicuous by absence at Jon's funeral I was delighted to see that 'the man with the biggest clumpiest boots on the campus' showed up - which I'm sure Mr C would have found amusing. Having nothing better to do on a Sunday morning (well, except to listen to the girl who's just moved in below me attempting some kind of sexual marathon) I looked out the 1992 copy of Viz where the sobriquet was lifted from and scanned the relevant section.

Give The One You Love A Pearl Necklace!

2010-10-23T14:12:00.000Z

Seriously, check it out!

It Was 30 Years Ago Today...

2010-10-21T17:43:00.000Z

...that your gracious host saw AC/DC on the third night of the UK leg of the Back in Black tour and things would never be the same again (I remember I spent most of the afternoon taking the Stiff Little Fingers logo off the back of my leather jacket and painting the AC/DC one in its place).
In other news the revamped versions of chapters 6 and 8 are now online and this weekend I'll be tackling the the editing of chapter 7 - which is the biggie!
Post over. Dom out.

Urban Geese?

2010-10-18T20:52:00.001Z

So That's What Patricia Morrison Has Been Doing Since Leaving The Sisters of Mercy!

2010-10-17T16:23:00.000Z

A Gem From Back In The Day!

2010-10-16T18:29:00.000Z

Many, many thanks to Matt Patrick for providing a copy of the Libertin' Lips demo tape from way back in 1987. There's also an interview they did for our local BBC radio station in 1988.

I still don't believe those two French guys were for real, no genuine Frenchman could possibly confirm so many national stereotypes.

Anyway, check it out.

Like A Bitch

Make It With You

Modern Girl

Radio Lincs. Interview

And on a lighter note...

2010-10-14T20:48:00.000Z

...are we to assume that there's some kind of boastful gigolo operating just outside of Bassingham (where I snapped his rather brazen advert)?

Tributes paid to 'true gent and good friend' after theatre technician is found dead

2010-10-14T18:53:00.001Z

Tributes paid to 'true gent and good friend' after theatre technician is found dead

Another One Bites The Dust.

2010-10-03T20:16:00.001Z

Jon Curry, one of my best friends (if not the best), with whom I had some of my wildest times, was found dead this morning following a house party. He apparently crashed out on the couch and didn't wake up. Although there will doubtless be an autopsy it's a reasonably safe bet that the cause was alcohol poisoning.
It hasn't really sunk in yet

A Really Annoying Advert From Back In The Day.

2010-09-19T16:21:00.002Z

I found this advert, which I referenced in Chapter 3, so annoying that I stopped eating at McDonalds for years afterwards (I only started using the place again because it winds up Guardian readers and hippies). I would dearly love to punch that 'filet of fish for my wife' guy in the face several times in rapid succession and the twat asking for Big Macs I could happily beat to death and never sleep any the worse for having done so.

European Drag Racing Finals @ Santa Pod 12/09/2010.

2010-09-14T00:05:00.007Z

Click the photo to go to the main gallery.

Deleted Scenes: The Boy's Toilets In Lazers.

2010-08-30T18:41:00.001Z

I wrote this during the initial note making part of the process of creating D&OiS&L but couldn't find an appropriate place to insert it.

To call the men’s loos in Lazers squalid really doesn’t really do them justice – in fact calling them Augean would be putting it mildly. The room was maybe ten feet square with a tiled floor which was normally swimming in half an inch or so of pissy water. You walked through the door to see a steel urinal on the far wall which, at a pinch, could accommodate three guys at the same time. To your immediate left was a sink unit with intermittently running water and constantly absent soap. Next to that was a single cubicle with no lock, no toilet roll and a bowl that hadn’t been graced by a seat since the late Seventies. Presumably the management expected the punters to take a dump while hovering on one leg - with the other holding the door shut - and wiping their arses barehanded. On a Lazers night it was was common practice for a guy to forcibly void his bowels before leaving home1 (or in MacDonald’s on the way up from the pub, a practice known as taking a MacShit) as you really didn’t want to end up being caught short and having to avail yourself of the club's pre-medieval facilities.

1 Until I wrote this section up the idea had never occurred to me, but maybe this is why so many of the old Lazers crew are today plagued by agonising haemorrhoids.

Art Imitating Life.

2010-08-29T16:31:00.000Z

Click the photo to visit the website of one Jade Perez, the artist who makes these wonderful gothic dolls. This one, called Aleena, is the uncanny double of a goth girl I used to knock off during the late Eighties!

This Has Got To Be One Of The Coolest Addresses On The Planet!

2010-08-26T19:55:00.001Z

And the asking price for this converted ICBM silo is only $2.3 million, which, considering what you get for your money, is a serious bargain.
If that Euromillions win ever comes up...

Dom's Soppy Side Exposes Itself Again.

2010-08-21T13:20:00.000Z

This blog, Mila's Daydreams, is absolutely delightful.

Dom's Rambles

My New Favourite Love Song.

Abba On Steroids?

Season's Greetings.

The (Mid Life) Crisis Deepens.

Dirty Old Men: A Working Title, A Manifesto & A Situations Vacant Ad.

I Bet This Girl Is Totally Awesome In Bed!

11/11/11: Happy Nigel Tufnel Day.

More From My Vast International Readership!

Destroy The Brain, Don't Get Bitten And, Above All Else, Remember That Friends Don't Let Friends Reanimate!

Ten Years After.

Things That Tickle My Infantile Sense Of Humour.

Back From The Dead.

Those Hallowed Portals.

One Of My Favourite Parts Of The Country.

The Revamped Gallery Page.

Vintage Santa Pod Photos.

Vintage Libertin' Lips Photos.

Vintage Hang Fire Photos.

UFOs Over Lincoln.

My Soppy Side Coming Out Again!

I Know Exactly Who This Is!

Who's This I Wonder?

We've Had Growler Juice, Now Get Some Pussy In Your Mouth.

Today's Scrap Metal Prices.

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly.

Bottled Growler Juice?

The Arty Bollocks Generator.

Direct Action.

This Is Absolutely Superb!

Sade @ MEN Arena 27/05/2011.

The Most Terrifying Sex Toy Ever Invented!

Do Not, No Matter How Tempted You Might Be, Try To Fuck A Park Bench.

What A Simple But Brilliant Invention.

The World's First Zombie-Proof House.

Expensive Habits.

Today's Scrap Prices.

Just To Clear Something Up...

I'm Curious To Know Who This Is!

The Wages Of Sin.

This Statue Is So Wrong On So Many Levels...

A Learning Exercise.

Today's (Well, Friday's Actually) Scrap Prices.

Frisky and Mannish Were Fab Last Night!

Apparently This Is Somewhere In Norfolk.

A Custom Truss Rod Cover...

Okay, I Give Up...

101 Ways You Know You've Been A Heavy Metal Fan For Too Long.

Dom's Next Phase Of His Mid-Life Crisis Creative Endeavour Starts To Take Shape.

More Infantile Giggles.

Essential Holiday Reading.

Okay, This Movie Is No Saturday Night Fever...

Three Of My Favourite Musicians Onstage At The Same Time...?

I Took Delivery Of Something Hard Today.

Frisky & Mannish: Sheer Genius!

"It'll never get published..."

Either Jack Vance Had A Very Sheltered Upbringing Or English Isn't His First Language.

Paying My Last Respects.

While We're Waiting...

Whoops!

So Near And Yet So Far.

My Number.

RIP Simon Baldwin.

If You've Ever Wondered Where You Can Get A Cuddly Gonorrhoea Virus...

My Musical First Love.

Dom The Magnanimous.

Acknowledgments.

Yet More 'People's Art'.

The End Of The Beginning.

This Really Is Funny.

A Short Sharp Grammar Lesson.

Garbage - Why Do You Love Me

Season's Greetings.

And I Thought I Could Get A Little Out Of Control At Times!

Today's Scrap Metal Prices.

Now This Is Definitely My Kind Of Girl!

And Now The Movie...

Reunited in Rock.

The Annoying Orange: Something Else That Tickles My Infantile Sense Of Humour.

A Puzzling Headline.